I, just like all of you, am inherently lazy. I can’t be bothered to wait a whole day to write my reaction to Transfer Deadline Day when I’m still awake and faintly delirious now. Here’s what’ll happen, to save you and your employers a wasted day refreshing the BBC website in a frenzy of disappointment.
- There will be no interesting moves of any sort. No-one’s spending any money. Even PSG have only bought two massively average Brazilian defenders. The days of the likes of Berbatov, God love him, moving for tens of millions of pounds scant hours before the deadline are over.
- Your team are going to be linked with someone way better than you deserve, it’ll be on-off all day, except come 11 pm (or whenever the deadline is, I haven’t actually checked), when it will be definitely off.
- The only day of the year when being a fan of a League 1 club is better than being an Arsenal supporter. Can’t move for lower league transfers (probably).
- Carlos Tevez is not moving. Everyone who can afford him has already got a quality set of strikers, except Inter Milan who seem to be winning games anyway. Brace yourselves for another thrilling six months of passive-aggressiveness from everyone employed by Manchester City before he finally signs for Anzhi in the summer.
- Many an insufferable bastard is going to message in to BBC Live Text saying they’ve seen (insert talented European footballer) at Dunstable train station en route to sign for Wolves. They haven’t, they’re just trying to make up for their crippling loneliness by trying to be funny on the internet. Little do they know that it doesn’t work.
After 11 pm, you’ll be left looking forward to a bleak night drinking and trying to remember exactly what you did with your day. You’d best pray that you can’t.