Things To Hate About Football #4: This video of Santi Cazorla I saw.

Aren’t football tricks wonderful to watch, with all those players showcasing their flair, talent and audacity? Hurrah.

God, he’s a magician isn’t he, juggling the ball over two players then magically turning another two, one of whom he’s already skinned and the other who’s just stands there with his arms aloft, proclaiming that he hasn’t fouled anyone when, in fact, he hasn’t fouled anyone.

Of course, despite what you may have just seen, this is not what happened.

[Warning, satire below]

His first touch is nothing, robbing the ball of any momentum that may have helped him escape the attentions of a defender easily and without all this fuss. This piece of utter garbage forces him to kick the ball in the air over someone who probably deserves the ball more. At this point, Cazorla doesn’t really have a plan, he sees another defender coming to try to win the ball and juggles it over him too, because that’s so original.

Now, he’s completely screwed, because his needless juggling has taken him towards the touchline, effectively halving the directions in which he can move. He gets out of this predicament through the a particularly moronic idea that he obviously stole from a Taz cartoon: Spinning round near the ball while two white shirted players conspicuously fail to even attempt to make a tackle.

Football genius?

To round off this frankly offensive eight second clip, having evaded his pursuers, Cazorla loses the ball anyway, although the video has clearly been edited to not show this, most likely by the player himself.

The kicker? All those players trying to tackle the tricky winger are forwards and attacking midfielders, on account of his doing all this dicking around near his own box.

Pointless and futile.


About Dave

I'm not biased, I hate every team, and often the sport itself.
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2 Responses to Things To Hate About Football #4: This video of Santi Cazorla I saw.

  1. Anonymous says:

    Actually. Watch the video carefully.
    He receives the ball and lofts it sweetly over the first player and brings it down to his foot, before tapping it over the head of another player. Had it not been for that self same player turning quickly on his back foot, Cazorla would have been up the wing, and an assist would have been the likely outcome.
    You don’t seem to know much about the game.

  2. Dave says:

    Actually, read this reply carefully.
    Saying he would have got away had the player not made a tackle is like saying he would have scored had he not missed the target. Secondly, if you think that every time someone gets down the wing an assist is the likely outcome, you’ve never watched Theo Walcott,

    Thirdly, read the part where it says satire below, you cunt. I hope that you aren’t in the same room as anyone else, as they could be making much better use of that oxygen than you are. Please never visit this blog again, because I feel violated that someone as incredibly moronic as you are is trying to make sense of words with more than two syllables.

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