As well as being crowned 5-a-side league champions, Dyslexics Untied recorded their biggest ever win at Goodwin tonight, ruining the spectacle for anyone who wanted to see a tense final round of fixtures, but making ecstatic anyone who wanted to see the right team win the league.
Dyslexics Untied went into the final game of the year knowing that a draw would probably be enough to seal the league, given 38-3B’s tough final fixture against Sam Strong’s No Fixture side, but the thought of playing out a draw never crossed a single player’s mind, as Dyslexics produced a sublime performance to cap a tremendous term of football.
Although the deadlock took a few minutes to be broken, once the first goal went in Dyslexics flooded forward, averaging a goal every 1.5 minutes as they hounded and pounded a hapless Sheffield Tuesday team into submission, at the same time epitomising everything there is to love about this Dyslexics team: the relentless pressure on the ball, the gorgeous interplay, the brutal finishing and the liquid switching of positions.
But as much as this was a complete domination, it was also a game to savour all the small moments that make football worth playing. Sam F rolling his way around three players on the way to a double-figure haul. Tim playing gloveless, recalling the great ‘keepers of yore. Ben smashing a halfway line shot against the bar yet again en route to a deserved hat-trick. George winning the ball on the halfway line, skinning two players and burying past the ‘keeper. Moo turning in perhaps his most insanely persistent performance yet. Dave’s dragback-and-double-nutmeg to double his career goals haul.
Truly this was a game of almost haunting beauty, a display of footballing excellence not likely to be bettered any time soon. Well, at least until January, when we start playing again.
In this league, Dyslexics have played 10 games. Barring a couple of blips they have won 8 games, and deservedly so. In 10 games, they’ve scored a frankly obscene 112 goals, only once scoring fewer than 7 in a match.
George and Sam F have scored 70 between them (36 and 34 respectively), but in truth this championship was the definition of a team performance, from the running and blinding skill of Moo, the play-making and organisational abilities of Ben, Tim’s superb shot-stopping and countless assists, Sam L’s commitment and Dave’s kicking people and willingness to pass to people better equipped to score than him.
And this is not to forget all the others: Andy’s incredible backheel, Jon’s one game hat-trick, Pere’s silken touch and Bill’s heroic two minute cameo. Everyone contributed, and so everyone, the entirety of the footballing world, won.
Today, as with every other day in the team’s three year history, I’m proud to be a Dyslexic.
Goal of the Match: All 29 of them. Fuck it, make that all 112 we’ve scored over the 10 games in this league. Every single one of them was gorgeous.
Scorers: Sam F (11), George (8), Dave (4), Ben (3), Moo (3)